EP.2: Permission to Be Still

Episode 2 is all about my own stillness practice and how it started. My favorite spot is more than just a place. It’s a feeling. It’s grounding. And it’s the thing I look most forward to every day.

My current favorite place is in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed. I have a cup of coffee on my nightstand, and I my journal in my lap. It’s the place I come to nearly every morning. Just be still.

This stillness practice helps center me and remind me who I am and what I’m doing not only today, but in this life. And I want that for you, too, which is part of the reason why I started this podcast to begin with. And why I’ve been working on this business that I’ve been working on.

I developed this practice about five, five and a half years ago, I just felt this nudge. I was restless and disenchanted with my life. And I couldn’t put my finger on why – it wasn’t any one particular thing that was wrong. I just felt restless. And I felt this nudge to start getting up early, which at the time felt impossible because I had tiny children and house to manage and things to do. But I forced myself to do it anyway.

In those early days, when I was still figuring out what this practice was, I was getting up early, it was still dark outside, it was cold, it was January and I would go to the dining room, I would make a cup of coffee, and I would sit in this chair that I had next to the window in our dining room. I would just watch the darkness turn into a sunrise and I would watch the neighbors get in their cars and go off to work.

I would just hold my cup of coffee and sort of stare silently out the window.

In the early days, this wasn’t a practice, it was just an idea. I wasn’t sure what was going to come out of it, if anything. But I got so much more than I initially bargained for. I want to share with you the purpose of the practice.

My hope is that you’ll give it a try for yourself because it’s changed everything for me about my life, my relationship with myself, my relationship with God, my relationship with my kids. I have way more purpose and direction more than I ever thought was possible.

Initially, when I would get up early I really didn’t have an agenda. I would just sit in my chair and think. I would revel in the fact that no one was up yet and just soak in the quiet. Before the house woke up. Before there are demands of my time. Before there was laundry to be done and people to be driven to school and lunches to be made.

It didn’t take long after sitting in that stillness, questions naturally started to bubble up for me. They were questions like “Who are you? How did you get here? Why do you feel the way that you feel? Why are you restless? What are you grateful for? What what are you hoping to get out of this day or week or this life that you aren’t currently living into?”

Then I realized all the quiet space was for me was just a sacred container to get to know myself and to actually listen. When my thoughts would bubble up no matter what those thoughts were, whether sad or crazy or grateful or frustrating. It all belonged.

Pretty soon I added in journaling, and prayer … purposeful prayer. We’ll talk about both of those things in a later episode, but for right now, I just want to encourage you if if this isn’t something that you normally do, sit still with your thoughts. Nobody’s calling your name and nobody’s asking for anything. And there aren’t any requirements of you just to give yourself five minutes, or 15 minutes, ideally 30 minutes where you’re just not doing anything.

For me, in the beginning, it was just staring out my window, holding my cup of coffee, because that’s all I was capable of in that darkness. And now it’s become so much more.

I would love it if you would try it and see what happens. See what bubbles up to the surface and see what questions come to mind. Ask yourself, where am I feeling lost? Or what am I avoiding? And where do I get complacent? Or where do I feel frustrated? Who am I in this season of life? Am I living the life that I want to be living? Do I even know what that looks like?

It’s one thing to hear people say repeatedly, “You have to put your own oxygen mask on first. So that you can go out and serve the world as your highest and best self.” But to actually give yourself the space and time to do just that? It’s priceless.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as five minutes. Get somewhere early. Park your car. And just think … or don’t think. All I want is to encourage you at this moment – give yourself space and time.

Start there, start small. That’s all you need. And I promise you, you will be amazed at what happens.

Will you try it?