EP.20: What’s Stopping You? (Part 2): 3 More Reasons Why You May Not Be Using Stillness & Journaling

As a follow-up to last week’s episode, we’re exploring 3 more reasons you may be avoiding the stillness and writing in your journal – reasons like being afraid of what you might discover, and not knowing where or how to begin.

May this episode inspire you to dig a little deeper and simply begin.

Hi Friends! Welcome Back.

Last week we talked about the top five reasons why you may not be incorporating a stillness and journaling practice into your daily life … yet. Today I want to continue that conversation with a 3 additional reasons that came up as I was thinking through this topic. 

If you haven’t yet listened to Episode 19 about What’s Stopping You, I encourage you to start there. 

When you’re ready, let’s dive in. 

The objections we’re talking about today include:

• I’m afraid of what I might discover
• I don’t know where to begin
• I’ve tried things like this before and they didn’t help

The reality is, there are probably dozens more reasons than I’ve listed here. No matter what season of life you find yourself in, and no matter how much you have on your plate (or don’t), there will never be an ideal time to begin. 

I also know that if you’re anything like me, I don’t like being forced into doing something if I don’t truly see the value in it. So I’m hopeful that today’s conversation is helpful. In case a little fresh perspective is all you need to get started.

And with that, let’s look at the first objection:

1. “I’m Afraid of What I Might Discover.”

• This is where the idea for this episode was born. I mentioned this briefly in the last episode … how this very reason came up in conversation during a photo shoot I did. Every person in the group that day had the same reaction the minute this topic surfaced. A collective “Yes, that.” was echoed throughout the room. The idea that I could open my journal and tell the absolute truth terrifies a lot of us – because we’re not taught what in the world we’re supposed to do with those discoveries when and if they happen.
• I feel like we’ve been conditioned to just gloss over the truth. Maybe because it’s too hard to look at. Maybe because once we admit the truth, we’ll have to do something about it and that sounds hard, scary, or even disruptive. There are times when we’re not entirely ready to face the truth. What if the truth threatens to upset the apple cart and forces you out of your comfort zone? What if you tell the truth and there isn’t an immediate solution? All of these are valid fears.
• The prospect of digging deep into personal and spiritual questions can be intimidating. We’re not used to allowing ourselves the freedom to say or think all of our truthiest thoughts. Not because we don’t want anyone else to hear them, but because we don’t necessarily want to hear them. Because once the truth has spilled out, there’s no forcing it back into the corners of your mind. Once the truth has time to move and stretch and get legs … it quickly becomes a force to be reckoned with. And ignoring it then, only makes it worse. 
• BUT … what if, what you’ve been unwilling to acknowledge is the very thing keeping you trapped in a world that you’ve outgrown? What if NOT telling the truth is making you sick, sad, or just generally unwell? What if ignoring the truth only delays a more beautiful life or circumstance for you? And in some cases, what if you ignore the truth for so long, it eventually winds up being too late?
• What I know to be true about this practice is that telling the truth is really only the first step. And you don’t have to know what’s next. You only have to trust that the minute you start being honest with yourself, doors will open. The beauty of inviting God into the stillness with you is that HE serves as your guide. He wants you to tell the truth. The whole truth. So he can help you see what’s possible out of that truth and then help you to the other side. 
• When I first started going through my divorce, I was anxious about everything. There was so much unknown. But a dear friend of mine said to me one day, “You know, God had a solution for you, long before you ever had this problem.” And it’s the phrase I hung onto when it felt like the heartache would never end and when I didn’t yet have answers to the unknown. I kept trusting that what she said was true. And it turns out? It was. Now finding myself on the other side of all that unknown, I can see the way God walked me, small step by small step through the hardest days to the beautiful after. 
• I speak from experience – every time something in my life has felt “off” and I was willing to admit that feeling, I found myself on a journey of discovery – carefully and purposefully replacing what no longer served me with new and fresh ideas of what did. And I didn’t have to worry that it was all up to ME to figure it out. You don’t have to be afraid of whatever you discover in the stillness. Because it’s not up to you to see yourself through it. God’s there. He knows what you need. He has the solution. You just have to show up. 

Which actually leads me right into the next reason you might be hesitating:

This one comes in one of two forms … 

2. “I Don’t Know Where to Begin.” OR “I’m Too Overwhelmed to Even Start.”

• First, a word about starting. And a little secret I’ve learned. No one really knows where to start. Truly. Anything that anyone has ever started has happened because two things were true – they decided and then they moved in that direction. They didn’t have a complete road map. They didn’t know how it would all turn out. They just began.
• But that doesn’t mean starting is easy. I am a MASTER procrastinator. Most of my text messages to friends begin with the line, “I”m sorry it’s taken me SO LONG to get back to you!” 
• The laundry at my house regularly spills over the top of the baskets and the Amazon boxes at my front door practically have to block the entrance to my house before I’ll grab the box cutter and open them.
• So, when it comes to starting something new … my brain immediately goes to work telling me how hard it’s going to be and how there’s no way I have time to fit it into my schedule. And how even if I did have time I wouldn’t know what to do first and even if I did know what to do first I probably wound’t know what to do next … and so on.
• I also tend to decide ahead of time whether or not I think something will work. And almost always, when I finally do begin, I roll my eyes at the simplicity of “doing” vs. thinking about doing.
• The garage project I put off for months? Took me less than four hours to complete with a friend’s help. The first podcast of this season? Written and recorded almost as fast as the words came to me. My first workout of the year? Done in 30 minutes. 
• Choosing stillness and bringing your journal along to record your thoughts is no different. That’s why I suggest ten minutes to start. Your goal is not to have ALL the epiphanies and reinvent your life in that first session. The goal is to create a habit. And all good habits are formed by doing the two simple things I mentioned already – decide, and then move.
• But I get it. There’s a cloud of “what if’s” that accompany that thought of starting. And walking into a practice where life’s biggest questions may need to be answered feels daunting in itself. Because the sheer magnitude of big life-related questions can be paralyzing. If you start, you might feel lost, or unsure of how this journey of self-discovery will pan out. You might feven allow your truth to surface, but then find you’re afraid of making the wrong choice about how to proceed next.
• And let’s not forget that when life feels chaotic or overwhelming, the thought of adding one more thing—no matter how beneficial—can seem impossible. If you’re already drowning in responsibilities it feels like you can’t take on anything new, even if it’s for your own well-being. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
• I can assure you of this … I have never once walked away from my stillness practice thinking to myself, “Wow, that was a complete waste of time.” In fact, even on the days when I’m running from place to place and appointment to appointment, I look forward to the stillness at the end of the day like a cool glass of water after a long run. It’s refreshing. If I didn’t have time for my practice in the morning I do my best to make time in the evening. Even if it’s just a simple paragraph to check-in or a few lines of gratitude before my head hits the pillow. And sometimes, I do both. Just as a check-in with God when I wake up and again before I sleep. It bookends the day in a way nothing else does. Was it hard to begin this practice? Yes, at first. Was it hard to remember to stick to it? Also, yes. At first. But the more I did it, the more I looked forward to it. And now it’s rare that I ever miss. It adds to my life, not my to-do’s. I wouldn’t do it if it felt like a chore. And I’d have quit long ago if it wasn’t sustainable.
• My best advice is just to try. No expectations. No commitment to a certain number of days or hours. Only decide one day, one moment at a time. That’s all we can ever do anyway, right?
• This, also by the way, covers the objection I mentioned briefly at the beginning of this episode as to whether or not you can fully commit to this process. There’s no set amount of time. No grading scale. And no gold stars for most days in a row. This is your life we’re talking about. You get to live it any way you want to. And if you show up some days to this practice and not others, you’ll find the rhythm that works best for you. No pretense. No judgment. It’s your practice. Plain and simple.

The last reason or objection I came up with as it relates to journaling and stillness in particular is this: 

3. “I’ve Tried Things Like This Before, and They Didn’t Help.”

• Women tell me all the time, “I’ve bought journals.” They’re just sitting in a drawer or stacked on a shelf – purchased and then forgotten. We have the best intentions when it comes to writing down our thoughts. But often, it can wind up feeling like ONE MORE THING on the list you don’t have time for. Especially if you heard somewhere on a podcast or read in a magazine that journaling is a form of self-care or that’s it’s good for your brain. 
• It’s true there are probably a million reasons why you should journal. But only you can decide when you’re ready to give it an honest try. Even now, I can give you a whole bunch of information and statistics about journaling and personal growth, but information isn’t what you need. The truth is, sometimes change isn’t about knowing what to do. It’s about timing. Your timing. If journaling and practicing stillness is something you want to try in earnest. You’ll decide when you’re ready. I’m simply here to serve as your guide, when that time comes.
• Also, so often, journals sold in stores, that are pre-loaded with daily prompts or fill-in-the-blank type pages can feel helpful in the beginning. But once you’ve filled in those blanks a handful of times, the prompts can get stale. And your mind goes from looking forward to filling out the page to dreading the idea that you have to fill in the same blanks, yet again. So you might quit. This is why I only ever recommend you come to your practice with a blank notebook – preferably one that is around 5×8 inches. And yes, size matters. I personally, can’t journal in college ruled or composition type notebooks. The pages are too big and it feels too daunting to fill a page. 
• Something else worth noting on this topic of things you may have tried already … my approach to this practice is different than anything I’ve seen on the market. There are three pieces to the practice – 1. Making time to sit in the stillness 2. Inviting God into the space with me and 3. Journaling out the very real, very honest conversations I’m having with God on the daily. By including all three of these pieces, daily, this practice continues to prove itself worthy of my time. Moreso than if I was just documenting, chronologically, what happened in my day. 
• AND, I’d like to say something about God here, specifically. The way I converse with God is different than the way I was taught to pray growing up. He’s accessible. And readily available. I will often imagine myself sitting in his library, with a warm fire crackling in the fireplace behind us. I talk to him about whatever is on my heart that day. He is the One I go to when I have a problem. When I have big decisions that are looming. When I hope for transformation or change of some kinds in my life. He’s there for all of it. And it does truly feel like a conversation. I’m not talking into the ether, hoping through my processing that I’ll somehow come up with an answer on my own. I’m literally listening for his voice. And I hear him speak to me, often. And when I don’t hear it, I’m paying attention throughout my day to see what crosses my path, knowing he’s so good at working through other people, through circumstances, and helping me connect the dots to the path I’m on. 
• This relationship with God has been an evolutionary process. Growing up, I believed God was “overseeing” my life – and that he was available if and when I needed help, mostly only in case of emergency. … But now I know God is part of my daily life. He’s fully in it with me – immersed because it matters to him as much as it matters to me. 
• If you’ve not experienced God in this way, I would love to be a part of your discovery of Him. That is a large part of what makes this different than what you may have tried in the past.

On that note … this same objection “I’ve tried things like this before and they didn’t work” also fits under the umbrella of what may hold you back from joining my new community – the Be Still Collective.

• Your past experiences with self-help, coaching, or even being a part of a group experience, may not have been the greatest. Believe me, I understand this. I’ve had experiences in the past that left me completely disappointed and feeling like I never should have signed up in the first place. When this happens, it’s important not to group every single new experience into the same category. It’s easy to try something, be disappointed, and vow to never try it again. Not all experiences are created equal and it’s really just about finding that right fit – for you. I’ve had counselors who weren’t a good fit, I’ve worked with coaches where it felt like I spent a lot of money and didn’t get much in return, but I’ve also worked with incredible people who made my life better in so many ways. Had I given up at the very first not-so-great experience? I’d have missed out on the amazing experience that followed.
• If you’ve ever tried any kind of community, club, conference, or mastermind that didn’t quite meet your expectations, I get how that might make you skeptical about trying again. You might think that all groups are the same or that, maybe you’re just not a group person. But I will say this … Whether you decide to join the Be Still Collective or not, coming together in community with other women whose hearts are aligned … who are all searching for that thing that lights them up on the inside … is an amazing experience. I’ve been a part of groups like this a handful of times over the years and in those experiences, I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t want our time together to come to an end. That’s the feeling I want you walk away with, week after week in our community. 

As we wrap up today’s episode I want you to know one thing – all reasons and objections aside – starting something new like journaling and stillness, doesn’t have to be a big production. What it really comes down to is your willingness. To try. Or try again. To summon your curiosity. And to open your heart and mind to whatever you might find using this practice, in this community, at this time and place. And let go of whatever other experience hasn’t served you.

Thank you for spending this time with me.

If you know of someone who could benefit from listening to this podcast or today’s episode, I encourage you to share this with them. 

In the meantime, I’m so grateful you’re here. And as always, I invite you to give this practice a try. Start small, be patient with yourself, and see what unfolds. You’re not alone on this journey. We’re in this together, supporting and encouraging each other every step of the way.

If you’re feeling inspired to dive deeper into this practice, I can’t wait to invite you to check out our community, The Be Still Collective. Our first gathering is fast approaching in October 2024 and if you want to be the first to learn about it, please make sure I’ve got your email. You can visit my website at www.bestillwithbobbi.com to download a copy of my “Journaling 10 in 10.” It’s a workbook I designed to jumpstart your journaling journey. And it’s FREE! 

Until next time, remember: in the stillness, you’ll find your strength and purpose and the truest version of yourself. 

Bye for now.