EP.22: The One Question That Could Change Everything

In this episode, we dive into “The One Question That Could Change Everything.” It’s a question so simple, yet so powerful, that when asked honestly, it can open doors to a life filled with clarity, purpose, and possibility. This episode has been waiting in the wings for a while, and I’m thrilled to finally share it with you.

You see, when we ask ourselves, “What do I really want?” it’s more than just goal-setting—it’s about awakening to the potential of who we can be and the life we can create. It’s a question that can shake up our comfort zones and bring about a sense of agency that many of us are missing.

I’d love for you to tune in and explore this powerful idea with me. Together, we’ll uncover how asking this question can shift your mindset, transform your decision-making, and even draw you closer to God’s desires for your life.

Hi! Welcome back. I’m so glad you’re joining me today for this episode of the Be Still With Bobbi podcast.

Today, I’m doing something I’ve not done before – I’m recording a podcast episode I wrote about a year ago and never wound up publishing. And I hope you stick around for the story at the very end of the episode because it perfectly illustrates what we’re talking about today.

I pulled this episode from the unpublished archives because I knew it was the perfect follow-up to last week’s episode, where we talked about asking yourself the question, “What’s missing?” Because that question feels like part one … it enables you to determine how you want to feel. 

But this question we’re talking about today is the question that has the power to change everything for you. 

If you haven’t yet listened to last week’s episode, I encourage you to go back and listen to that episode first – it’s Episode 21.

When you’re ready let’s dig in.

At the time I first wrote this episode, I’d just posted a graphic to Instagram that read, “There is Magic in a Single Question.” 

The question I wrote beneath the graphic was this: 

“What is it that you want?”

Take a breath. What’s the very first thing that popped into your mind just now?

Make note of how this question makes you feel. 

When I first heard it, it was jarring. I mentioned this in last week’s episode – that my immediate response (in my head, of course) was, “How dare you even ask me that?” Because in truth, I didn’t know how to answer it. 

But this is because the question by itself, “What do you want?” Wakes up our belief system. And long held beliefs can be tricky. Because they tell us whether or not something we just heard is true or false (or worthy of our time and attention).

However, some of those long-held beliefs no longer serve us.

So today, we’re exploring this question, perhaps in a new way than you’ve considered before.

As kids we’re taught that “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” But even though that may be true when someone’s handing you a popsicle in stead of an ice cream cone, that isn’t how it works in the real world. 

As kids, we’re made to believe we don’t have agency – the grown ups in our lives make all the decisions for us. But what happens when we leave home? We carry those beliefs with us. 

But what if, the way we grew up … the beliefs we were given … are just one way of seeing the world?

Tell the bread story. With Erica

This revelation made me laugh at the time. But in thinking about it now – I can see that we do this all the time. 

When we make decisions, when we choose a life path, sometimes even when we choose partners or jobs. We filter those choices through the belief system we’ve adopted. No matter where it came from.

So…

When you’re asked the question, “What do you want?” Your first response will often be a direct result of your belief about what this question means.

You might think it means you’re selfish if you answer.

You might think it means you’re crazy – as in, who are you to want something?

You might even think it should never be asked in the first place.

Or like me the first time I was asked, you might really want to answer the question, but all you can come up with is … I don’t know. You haven’t yet developed the ability to answer honestly because you haven’t yet practiced asking.

My belief system informed me that this question isn’t something you should ever ask. Because whatever your answer, it doesn’t matter. No one gets exactly what they want so why start the conversation in the first place?

Does this sound familiar?

After years of practice, this question is now my favorite question. Because now when I ask I’m operating with the belief that I will come up with a really honest answer and I have agency to explore whatever I come up with.

Asking this one question, “What do you want?” has the power to change everything. It moves you from sitting in the passenger seat of your life to the driver’s seat. It gives you the agency to have a say. 

But here’s the really tricky part about that … agency. We all have agency, which is simply the ability to make a choice. However, most people don’t like to choose. Especially when a change of some kind is involved. We favor what’s familiar. What’s comfortable. What we already know. 

I saw a phrase this morning I’d never heard before … “rationalizing the status quo.”

And when I saw it, I stopped. YES. THIS. This is what we do I thought to myself.

I feel like most humans walking the planet are afflicted with this same innate way of being. We get comfortable in our routines and when we feel stuck, instead of bravely asking the ONE question that could help us get unstuck, we rationalize the status quo. 

Telling ourselves it’s not that bad. It’ll be fine. 

But doing this leads us back into our comfort zone – the very place that may have led to our restlessness in the first place.

What if I told you that the only barrier standing between you and a life you could only imagine is learning how to answer this ONE question? One day, one moment, one situation at a time.

Because it’s not the answer that matters. It’s your willingness to ask the question in the first place. 

Pause for a minute and let that sink in.

It’s not your answer to the question that matters. You need to be willing to ask the question in the first place. “What is it that I want?” On a regular enough basis to change your belief system and open up the doors of possibility.

Rather than simply allowing your life to unfold as some sort of random coincidence.

Here’s a mental illustration of what I mean.

Remember those choose-your-own-adventure books from childhood? You would read a chapter or two and then you had free will at the end of the chapter to choose what the main character in the story would do next. Then, you’d flip to the appropriate page to see what happens and choose again.

I loved those books as a kid. 

I loved feeling like I got to play a part in how the story unfolded. But what I didn’t realize until much later in life is that real life so closely mimics these stories. 

Here’s how.

I want you to picture two people in your mind. Both are longing for some kind of change. Maybe they’re bored, or they feel stuck or are otherwise just disenchanted with their day-to-day existence.

They’re both standing at the starting line of a journey they hope will lead them someplace new; someplace better. But they each go about it in two very different ways. 

The first person decides to answer the question, “What do you want?” with as much honesty as possible, no matter how lofty or ridiculous they think their answer might be. 

They purposefully decide, then simply start walking in that direction. There are no guarantees, mind you, about what the journey will look like, or how long it might take to get there, but they’ll have a clear target because they answered the question.

They take one step forward, believing the next step will appear at the exact right time. And then, with each new step, they ask themselves with curiosity … now that I’m here, what is it that I want to see happen next? 

As they ask and then decide and step forward, their confidence grows as they see the next right step emerge. They’re learning to trust themselves and their belief system grows in a new direction. 

On this same journey, the other person shies away from the question, “What do you want?” altogether. Because that seems too hard to answer or they don’t want to wish for too much and then be disappointed. 

So instead of answering honestly, they decide not to answer the question, instead hoping for the best. Which essentially means they’ve chosen not to choose. Because not choosing, IS a choice. 

And then each morning, they wake up to find that their life still looks and feels familiar. They’re still standing near the starting line. And for a while, that makes them feel safe. Until one day, they realize they said they wanted change, but they’ve not made any progress. Even though they’re actively doing their best to navigate whatever life throws at them, with as much grace and gratitude as possible. 

This is more of a “we’ll see what happens” approach. 

The problem is, “we’ll see” takes away the agency. It means you can only make decisions based on whatever is randomly presented along the path and try to dodge unwanted circumstances as they arise. 

Someone who takes this approach will walk through different iterations of the exact same life they’ve always lived. Maybe they’ll move, maybe they’ll change jobs. Maybe they’ll retire or go on vacation. 

But the way they experience life, will all feel slightly less than what it could be. Something will always feel like it’s missing.

This second person is operating by chance. Not by choice.

And honestly? This approach is what was modeled for most of us. 

We take life as it happens, rather than deciding what we want our lives to look like – in great detail. 

I know this intimately. Because I lived my first decade as an adult reacting to my circumstances vs. choosing the path I wanted to be on. 

And conversely, I’ve lived the last two decades asking myself what I actually want in every situation. 

The difference in the results is staggering. 

I can tell you with crystal clear certainty, the last two decades have been far more fun, full of joy, adventure, risk, and way more fulfilling, than the first. 

This does not mean, however, that my life is always fantastic. And that I always get what I want. There have been seasons of sadness, heartache, fear, and sickness. But even in those dark or trying times, I continued to ask myself the question, relentlessly.

What is it that I want now? What is it that I want next? What is it that I want to see happen in the future?

Asking this question when things are going great in your life, is FUN. But asking in the darkest hours gives you hope. 

I want to encourage you to practice asking … “What is it that I want?”

It won’t come naturally. It will feel foreign and concerning, almost like you’re doing something illegal. Because it fights against everything that’s ingrained in us to “be realistic” and to “not get our hopes up.”

Ask anyway. Because when you ask yourself what you want, you awaken possibility. 

I want to make a quick side note here.

Answering this question is bigger than goal setting. 

I understand how this can be interpreted … like I’m mapping out a goal setting method. I’m not. This is not about setting a goal like losing 10 pounds and working out and eating right until you hit it. 

This is about deciding that the life you’re in the midst of right now could look vastly different – even if you aren’t sure how to make it happen. It’s about believing that you have agency to choose your own adventure. 

And the only parameters you have to work within are the ones God puts in place.

That’s the other part of answering this question I love. I’m confident that when I ask myself what I want … I know God is in the room as I’m talking to him about my answer. I am not singlehandedly designing a life I want and then making it happen. 

Every time I desire something new – God is my go-to as I process out what I think it could look like.

The beauty of being willing to explore this question with as much honesty as possible, is knowing that whenever my desires and God’s desires for me are in alignment, the path to get there feels divine. And all I have to do is follow the breadcrumbs.

This belief – that God is for me and wants to give me the desires of my heart – was a massive shift for me. And made answering the question, “What do you want?” honestly, easier. 

It also makes the potential for where I’m headed, endless. 

So, when I look at my quiet time and the relationship I’ve encountered in that space – it feels to me like sweet conversation … where God and I are just chatting and laughing and coming up with ideas about where my life should go next.

And as you think about your own stillness and journaling practice, I want to make the distinction that asking this question – what do you want – can and should be smack dab in the middle of your time with God. 

Because who better to help you figure out where you want to go? Who better to nudge you in a direction you may be too scared to even say out loud?

This is what my journal is filled with. Purposeful, connected, conversation.

I don’t encourage you to sit in the quiet and journal in order to simply write words on a page. Words on a page are nice. But nice words aren’t enough to keep you coming back. And soon, enough, being still and writing in the quiet will become just another thing you don’t have time for. 

And you’ll quit. And then you’ll tell yourself, “I tried that journaling thing. It didn’t work for me.” 

I so get that.

But why would I want you to set aside time to do something you’re not getting anything out of? That’s crazy. We’re all too busy for that.

The only way this works is if you’re willing to ask yourself new questions that reap better answers. And you must be willing to think differently. To question your belief system and wonder openly about what beliefs may no longer be serving you.

To think in terms of what’s possible, rather than what’s “responsible” or “reasonable.” 

Let me tell you a quick story and then I’ll wrap this up.

I had lunch with a couple of friends a while back and one of my new friends was talking through all of her “options” as she’d been looking for a new job. I asked questions (as I do), in hopes of helping her get clear on what the ideal new job would look like.

But then, long after the subject had changed and we’d moved on to talking about other things … she said unprompted, “You know, I’ve had the thought more than once that I could see myself just selling all of my belongings and moving to Europe.” 

I set my drink down.

I could see the way her face lit up as she described meandering down cobblestone streets and enjoying espresso with new friends. The dreamy picture she was painting was dripping with goodness and light; allowing herself a reset to the life she’s always known. 

“You have to explore this.” I said to her. “Please. You won’t regret it.” 

And I truly hope she does. The genuine warmth and excited energy that radiated out of her body as she spoke is what it feels like when you hit on an answer to the question, “What is it that you want?” And the truth comes out. 

The best version of her is trying to tell her what she really wants. And her only job now is to pay attention and start that conversation with God.

Do you see the difference?

In one part of our conversation, she’s dryly talking about responsibly looking for a “job.” And moments later she’s describing an unbelievably beautiful LIFE.

We should all be willing to explore what this kind of life might look like for ourselves.

And, just in case you weren’t sure… it starts with the single question … “What is it that you really want?”

Your homework this week, if you’re willing, is to grab your notebook and pen and sit in the quiet – even for ten minutes. Take a breath, scan your life from the 10,000-foot view, then ask yourself … “What is it that I really want?”

Take another breath. And just listen. As your mind falls to a hush. And your thoughts are free to roam. What do hear? Write down whatever bubbles up to the surface without judgment. 

That’s it. 

If the big picture is too overwhelming to look at, look at one decision that’s been weighing on you. One area of your life that’s been aching for change and ask, “What do I want to see happen in this area?”

We’ll get to the “how” part in a future episode, I promise. Because that question, “How in the world is that going to happen, will likely to be the first thing that pops up for you as you start playing with answering the question, “What do I want?”

For now, I just want you to practice asking. The better you become at asking, the better answers will surface. Answers that may just surprise and inspire you.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today. 

If you know of someone who could benefit from listening to this podcast or today’s episode, I encourage you to share this with them. And if you are enjoying this podcast, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast app.

If you’re feeling inspired to dive deeper into this practice, I can’t wait to invite you to check out our community, The Be Still Collective. Our first gathering is fast approaching in October 2024 and if you want to be the first to learn about it, please make sure I’ve got your email. You can visit my website at www.bestillwithbobbi.com to download a copy of my “Journaling 10 in 10.” It’s a workbook I designed to jumpstart your journaling journey. And it’s FREE! 

Until next time, remember: Your story matters. Your journey is unique. And it’s never too late start a new chapter. Keep journaling, keep growing, and most importantly … Be Still.

Bye for now.