EP.42: Backwards Logic – Why You’re Still Stuck

Have you ever felt stuck—but couldn’t quite explain why?

In this episode of Be Still With Bobbi, we’re diving deep into the subtle but powerful mindset that keeps so many of us from moving forward: backwards logic. It’s the mental habit of shrinking our dreams to fit our current circumstances, instead of expanding our faith to match what we actually want.

We’re exploring the real reason most of us stay stuck (hint: it’s not fear), the guilt that hides behind our gratitude, and why we keep waiting for perfect conditions before allowing ourselves to hope.

If you’ve ever whispered a desire to God and then talked yourself out of it five minutes later, this one’s for you.

This isn’t about hustle. It’s about alignment. And it starts by asking one powerful question:

What do you really want?

Hi Everyone! Welcome back to the Be Still with Bobbi podcast. I’m glad you’re here. 

Today, I want to talk about something I see happening over and over again—in my coaching practice, in conversations with friends, and if I’m being totally honest, sometimes in my own life too. 

I’m talking about something called “backwards logic,” and it’s the thing that keeps almost all of us stuck without even realizing it.

This episode isn’t about tactics. It’s about understanding. It’s about finally recognizing the patterns and the inner dialogue that talk us out of what we actually want before we even allow ourselves to name it.

So if you’ve ever said to yourself:

• “Now’s not the right time.”
• “I just need to be grateful for what I already have.”

…then I want you to stick with me. Because I think you’re going to see yourself in what we’re talking about today.

The reason so many of us stay stuck isn’t because we’re not capable. It’s actually because we’re waiting for permission.

I hear this all the time – people tell themselves they’ll dream when the timing is better.
When the kids are older.
When the money comes in.
When the marriage is stable.
When the business is thriving.

But dreaming doesn’t work that way.

You can’t wait for clarity before you dream. You have to dream first—and the clarity will follow.

That’s the backwards logic we’ve adopted. We expect God to give us directions before we give Him our desire. But God works through desire. Through vision. Through the quiet whispers in your soul that say… I know there’s more.

But before we dive in, I want to give you a real-life example of what this looks like. 

[The Farm Story]

Last night, I had dinner with a dear friend I’ve known for over 25 years. He’s in the middle of yet another transition—something that’s become a bit of a pattern in recent years. He’s made several moves, hoping each one might be the move that brings clarity or contentment. But every time he lands somewhere new, the same unsettled feeling creeps in. The question that follows him from place to place is: Is this it?

Now, he’s planning another move—this time back to his home state of Minnesota. And honestly, this move feels different. More grounded. More true to who he is. He’d be the first to tell you he’s a Minnesota farm boy at heart. 

But years ago, he took a leap of faith and moved to Austin, Texas, where he built a beautiful life. His business was thriving, he led a faith-filled community group, and everything in his life seemed to be aligned. And as his friend, it was so much fun for me to witness. But since leaving Austin, he’s been drifting a bit. His words, not mine.

There’s been this quiet restlessness—an inner tension between what he wants and what feels safe. So, instead of dreaming big or planting roots, he’s taken the path of least resistance: wherever he goes, he rents an apartment. They’re simple. Temporary. Sensible. And yet, deeply unsatisfying. He doesn’t love them, but they feel familiar. Manageable. Easy to exit if things don’t work out.

And that’s what so many of us do, right? We keep things small and contained—not because we’re lazy or lack ambition—but because we’re trying to avoid making the wrong choice or stepping too far outside of our comfort zone. We tell ourselves we don’t know what we want, but deep down, we do. We’re just afraid to say it out loud.

So last night, I invited him into a different kind of conversation. Right there in the middle of the restaurant, I asked him to close his eyes and imagine:

“If you could picture yourself waking up tomorrow, in a space that feels like home—what would it look like?”

He closed his eyes. Got quiet. And then said without hesitation:

“I’d live on land. Green grass. Pine trees. Acres of open space. I’d drink my coffee on the porch and watch the sunrise peek over the horizon. Every morning. Full of peace.”

I could see it. And so could he.

But here’s the thing. He and I have had this same conversation before. And every time, his answer is nearly identical. But also, every time, the minute he opens his eyes, the vision disappears. Not because it wasn’t real. Or meaningful. Or even possible. But because, within seconds, his brain floods the space with reasons why it can’t and shouldn’t happen:

He’ll say it’s not realistic right now.

He’ll tell me he doesn’t want to buy a house until he meets his person.

He’ll say he’s not sure what part of town he wants to be in yet. And that interest rates are high.

And then he asks questions like … what if he buys something and then changes his mind?

And at the very end, there’s this moment when he fully talks himself out of it with one final reason, something like – I need to focus on my business right now. Renting is just easier. 

That’s backwards logic.

It’s the habit of shrinking the vision to fit our current reality, instead of expanding our faith to match what we actually want. It’s safer to doubt the dream than to hold onto it and risk disappointment. But that habit? It keeps us stuck.

And I wonder how many of us do the same thing.

How many of us see something so clearly—that we can picture it, or even feel it—and yet, we won’t let ourselves want it long enough for God to get involved?

And just like that, when the reasons filter in, the vision evaporates. Not because it wasn’t beautiful. Not because it wasn’t possible. But because letting yourself want something feels foreign and uncomfortable.

So, instead, we wait for the ideal conditions before we allow ourselves to dream. We think we have to know the how before we’re allowed to name the what.

But it doesn’t work that way.

We don’t dream because it’s logical. We dream because it’s faithful. Because it’s a declaration that we trust God’s ability more than we trust our own.

[The Problem With “Fear”]

And here’s something else. Most of us think we’re stuck because we’re afraid. But I don’t think fear is the real reason anymore. I think fear is just the excuse we’ve been trained to use.

It’s socially acceptable to say, “I’m afraid I’ll fail.” Or even, “I’m afraid of success.” But when I really listen to the women I coach—and when I look at my own journey—I don’t just hear fear. I hear guilt.

There’s this quiet belief—especially in faith-based circles—that wanting something more means you’re ungrateful for what you already have. So instead of allowing ourselves to dream, we obsess over being grateful. 

But in the process, that means we shrink our desires. And silence our longings. Which is why we end up scrolling through someone else’s life…secretly envious, but convinced our own dreams must be selfish or ridiculous or wrong.

So we don’t ask. We don’t name the desire. We simply settle – for whatever comes our way.

And if we do dare to name the desire, we immediately cancel it out with logic:

• “Who am I to want that?”
• “I can’t afford that.”
• “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
• “Maybe someday… but not right now.”

We talk ourselves out of the life we were made for.

And if that hits close to home… I get it. Because I’ve been there too. And I still fall into this trap sometimes. Almost as if I have to wake myself back up to the reality of what I’ve learned to be true.

[My Personal Shift]

I grew up in a house where “no,” “we’ll see,” and “we can’t afford that” were the soundtrack. This, by the way, is not a reflection of who my parents are. Generous, loving, and Godly people. It’s simply a reflection of societal conditioning and the generations of conditioning that came before them. There’s no blame in this thought process. It’s just true.

But given that was what I heard growing up, when I stepped into adulthood, I brought all of that conditioning with me. I said no to things I hadn’t even considered. And worse, I wouldn’t even allow myself to think about anything beyond “reality.”

And then I met Glenn—my counselor, my mentor. I talk about him all the time in this podcast because he changed everything for me. He rewrote the script I was living by. And introduced me to a question I’ve been asking myself for over 21 years now:

“What do you really want?”

Not what’s practical. Not what makes sense. Not what your budget says. What do you really want?

That one question has led me to everything I’ve co-created with God: the home I live in, the way we homeschool, the community I lead, the car I drive, even the pets we have.

I didn’t hustle my way here. I prayed my way here. I saw it before I had it.

Because here’s the truth: When we make space to want something, God has room to show us what’s possible. And it’s always more beautiful than anything we could orchestrate ourselves.

Glenn used to say: “Ask for something so big that only God could take the credit.”

That one idea has become a foundational truth for me. Because isn’t that what we’re supposed to be up to anyway? Living lives that inspire others to want to know God? There is no faster way to know him than to hand him your precious desires and watch what he does with them.

I can’t take the credit for most of the things in my life. But I don’t want to. God’s ability to write my story is way better than mine could ever be. Because his imagination is infinite, and his resources are too.

[The Micro Shift]

I know this might all sound really big and aspirational.

But I also want to show you how this works in very small, everyday ways.

A woman in The Be Still Collective recently had a tough meeting scheduled with her kids’ school, and she was dreading it. She said to us on a call one day, “I just hope it goes well.”

So I asked her, “What do you actually hope to get from this meeting?”

She paused and thought about it. And then said: “Clarity. I just want to know if this is the right school for us next year.”

It was that simple. 

So I encouraged her to pray for exactly that—clarity about the answer for the next school year. 

She told me she’d never thought to pray for that, specifically. Not because she didn’t believe in prayer. But because it didn’t occur to her that she was allowed to want something that specific in what appeared to be just another task on her to-do list. 

So often, we pray reactively, not intentionally. We don’t see ourselves as co-creators with God. But we are.

What I love so much about this small, yet powerful example is that she did pray, specifically. And not only did she get a clear answer from that meeting, but then God took it a step further and opened the door to the school where her kids are meant to be, not next year in the fall, but right after she asked. They didn’t have to wait to move away from the school that felt out of alignment. They got to finish out this school year at their new school, which was a better fit. 

When we start small—asking for things like clarity, peace, or alignment—it becomes easier to ask for the bigger things.

This is what my past journals are filled with. Small requests, daily requests, and monumental requests. 

Because when you understand that your role in this life is to co-create with God, it takes away our belief that we need to hustle harder to get where we want to go.

But I promise you, hustle is not a part of this equation.

It’s about stepping into alignment.
It’s about letting God lead.
And letting Him wow you with his imagination and provision.

There’s not a single day that goes by that I’m not dreaming about something.

And there’s usually at least one BIG, God-sized dream simmering in the background.

For instance … There’s a property I’m currently dreaming of. It’s acres of land – beautiful green grass and paths lined with trees. There are bistro lights, fireflies, and people milling about. It’s a place for retreats, for stillness, and for connection. There’s a little shop, there’s a barn, a carriage house, and beautiful cottages where women can come to rest and reconnect with themselves and their faith.

This doesn’t make sense on paper. I don’t know where the money will come from or what the timeline is. But I know it’s coming because I’ve seen God bring these kinds of visions to life in my life, again and again.

And I know ahead of time – I don’t have to strive for it. But I do need to pray specifically about it. Because if I don’t, no one else will. And I need to trust that it will unfold in God’s perfect timing.

That’s the shift.

Maybe there’s a big, bold dream that bubbles up for you as you’re listening to this. Or maybe this conversation is simply cracking the door open to a dream you buried long ago. 

[Wrap-Up: What’s Really at Stake]

Here’s what I want you to walk away with:

You are not selfish for wanting more. You are not ungrateful for hoping for things to be different. You are not wrong for dreaming bigger.

But you will stay stuck if you keep waiting for perfect conditions to allow yourself to ask.

And if the big dreams feel intimidating right now, start small. Don’t think “mansion on a hill.” Think: what do I really want out of this week? This conversation. This decision.

So before we close this episode… take five minutes. And ask yourself these questions:

• What do I really want, but am afraid to say out loud? (Do you want to go back to school, quit your job, or move to a new house? Don’t overthink it. Don’t judge. Just write.
  
• Where am I using backwards logic?
  Where am I waiting for clarity or certainty before I allow myself to dream?
  
• What’s one thing on my calendar this week I can pray for with specificity?
  
• And what’s one desire I want to bring to God—just to see what He might do?

Let yourself explore. Let yourself see what it feels like to want, without apology.

You don’t need to figure out the “how” before you let yourself hope.

Let today be the day you stop talking yourself out of your own life.

Let today be the day you invite God in—not just to help you survive… but to partner with you in something beautiful. To believe that maybe, just maybe, He wants to blow your mind. Simply because He loves you.

I’ll meet you back here next week, and we’ll talk more in depth about what to do with our dreams once we’ve given ourselves permission to name and claim them. 

We’ll take those blurry desires and give them shape. So you can learn how to dream in full color.

Thank you for being here.

Bye for now.

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