EP.19: What’s Stopping You? 5 Reasons You May Not Be Using Stillness and Journaling

Sitting in stillness and journaling your thoughts may sound appealing on the surface, but what’s really holding you back from trying this practice for yourself?

Today, we’re exploring five possible reasons why you may not be using this practice to find the calm and joy in your busy life.

Hi Friends … Welcome back!

Today’s episode is all about what might be holding you back. Specifically, what might be holding you back from starting your own journaling and stillness practice. 

A while back I had a photo shoot for the Be Still brand and in the midst of our shoot we got to talking about journaling specifically. I posed the question to the group – “What’s the reason you don’t journal even though you tell yourself you should or you want to?” 

It was silent for a second and then someone finally spoke up and said, “I don’t know … maybe I’m afraid of what might come up if I do.” And it got me thinking. What are some other reasons why you might be afraid to give this practice a try? What might be holding you back?

I did a quick brain dump and came up with a whole lot more than 5 reasons, so I’m breaking this podcast down into two episodes. In this week’s episode I’m talking through the first five reasons you may not be using stillness and journaling as a practice and why you might be tempted to skip over a group experience like the Be Still Collective. 

These reasons are all about your belief system and include the following:

1. I don’t have time
2. I should be able to figure this out on my own
3. It’s too late for me
4. I don’t want to burden others with my problems
5. What if it doesn’t work for me?

As we dig into each of these objections or beliefs, I hope you’ll start to see how simply shifting your mindset can often be the key to getting started. 

So, for the rest of this episode, I’m going to walk you through the top five objections you might have when it comes to giving stillness a try. And I’ll offer an alternative perspective for each. Some of these may resonate and some of them might not, but I think you’ll find at least one that may have crossed your mind as you’ve thought about practicing stillness.

And don’t worry. If you’re walking, driving, folding laundry, or otherwise tied up without a pen and a piece of paper, I’ve copied this list into the show notes for you. 

And if none of these objections resonate … stay tuned. I’ll be covering several more objections in next week’s episode.

On that note … Let’s dig in.

Objection #1. “I Don’t Have Time.”

• On the surface, this makes complete sense. Many of you are juggling careers, families, volunteer commitments, and running your kiddos from pillar to post each week. That’s before you add in other responsibilities – meals, groceries, laundry, and making time for your significant other or spouse. Even if you can steal away ten minutes to yourself, there isn’t a lot of energy left over to dedicate to self-reflection, personal growth, or joining a community. It’s hard to believe you can afford to take time away from your busy life to make time for something like stillness and journaling that doesn’t seem nearly as productive or worthwhile.
• I get this one on a deeply personal level. I’m a single mom, we have two pets – a dog and a cat, and I have a home to keep up with, all while simultaneously running my own business, and making time for family, friends, and hobbies that matter to me. Oh, and we homeschool. I say all of that solely for context. In no way do I think I’m busier or more overloaded or overscheduled than you are. We are all buried in our own way. And my hope is to help you change that.
• Here was the key shift for me. Before I started this practice, I wished for more time, constantly. Believing that if I could magically make more hours appear in a day, I would have, and therefore take, more time for me. But more time isn’t what I needed. I needed to reprioritize the time I did have. When I simply decided to give this an honest go – I vowed to take time for myself first, even though that felt completely backwards and in some respects, just plain wrong. But, to my surprise – filling my own cup at the start of every day unintentionally gave me more mental (and surprisingly more physical) energy to complete the rest of what I had on my list. It’s almost like the day before you go on vacation – suddenly things you’ve been ignoring for months get done because you know you won’t be around to complete them. 
• And … something else I’ve considered as I’ve continued this practice religiously. Some of us have learned to wear the term “busy” as a badge of honor. The busier we are, the better built-in excuse we have to not say yes. To not care for ourselves. To not believe taking ten or fifteen or dare I say … THIRTY minutes to think, pray, breathe, contemplate, or check in on our well-being is a worthy endeavor. But “busy” is often just a cover-up. When what we really mean by saying we’re too busy is, “I don’t want to do that,” or “That sounds hard,” or “Yeah, but what if do it? Then what?” The year I walked through my divorce, was the busiest year I’d ever experienced. Divorce, if you’ve ever been through one, can feel like a full-time job … but on top of all the paperwork and emotional wreckage I was navigating that year, I also moved three times, staged and sold our house, wrote half of a manuscript for a book and started the first iteration of this business from scratch. But do you know what else was true? That year, I took more time to journal, talk to God, sit in the silence, nap, and go for walks outside, than any other year prior. It’s not a coincidence that my decision to BE STILL first, was the main reason I was able to keep going and stay upright that year. I promise you – whatever it is that keeps you “busy” can wait. You deserve this time.

Objection #2. “I Should Be Able to Figure This Out on My Own.”

• This is a common belief, and I completely understand where it comes from. As women, we often feel the pressure to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient. There’s a sense of pride in being able to handle things on our own, and asking for help can sometimes feel like admitting weakness. This is doubly true if you were born incredibly stubborn like I was. Most of the time, I’d sooner die than admit that I need help. But let me offer you a different perspective.
• Seeking help doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re wise. It means you recognize that life is complex and that sometimes, navigating it requires more than what we can do on our own. Even the strongest, most independent people need support at times. It’s part of being human. You don’t know what you don’t know. But odds are, if you seek answers in new places and from new people, you might just find answers you’d never find elsewhere. I personally struggled for years before I sought real help. Maybe you can relate. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I attended conferences. I listened to motivational speakers on tape (yes … as in, cassette tape … how’s that for dating myself?). I had the knowledge. I could quote Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins by heart. But I didn’t have a way to translate that knowledge into reality. The bridge between what they said and how to apply it to my specific situation was completely missing. When I met my counselor, Glenn, on the other hand, I discovered that HE was the missing link. He helped me build the bridge – piece by piece. And the beauty of asking for authentic and personal help meant I wasn’t getting some one-size-fits-all approach to my life. We were looking at the individual pieces of my situation and circumstance. Not the masses. I got to weigh in and have a say. In a way I’d never done before. Had I not asked for Glenn’s help, I’m positive I’d currently be an updated version of who I was 20 years ago. And you know what? She’d be fine. But I wasn’t interested in being “fine.” I wanted my life to represent something better than fine.
• Second, consider this: we are social beings by nature. We’re designed to live in community, to lean on each other, and to share our journeys. By reaching out for support, whether it’s through this podcast, a counselor, or our community, The Be Still Collective, you’re not admitting defeat. You’re taking a proactive step toward growth and transformation. You don’t have to have it all figured out by yourself—that’s why we’re here, to walk alongside you on this journey.
• And … I’m going to go out on a limb and say one more thing about the type of help that’s actually helpful and the type of help that’s not. If you find, when you have a dilemma, that you’re a “poller.” Meaning … you survey your friends, family, colleagues, and everyone in between about what you should do when you have a problem or a decision to make, that is not the kind of help I’m talking about here. Don’t get me wrong – I love my friends and family, and the well-meaning others in my life who want what’s best for me. But they are not the ones who have to live my life. And at the end of the day there are only two people who truly know what’s BEST. Me and God. Asking for help from anyone willing to shout out their opinion on your decision or life or circumstance isn’t helpful. Because every person you ask, will have their own filter through which they’re answering. This may sound a little confusing so let me see if I can be more clear. You might be thinking … “Wait a minute, you’re telling me to find someone or a community to ask for help, but I’m not supposed to ask the group for help?? That doesn’t make any sense.” Yes and no. The people in your immediate circle are already invested in you. They DO want what’s best for you. AND… they have their own opinions about WHAT THAT MIGHT BE based on their knowledge of your life, your history together, and their own personal experiences. BUT… coming together in a group or community where everyone in the group is vulnerably sharing AND there is an experienced guide at the helm is different. That’s what I love about being a coach and working with a coach – my OPINION doesn’t matter. I’m here to ask questions and offer perspective. But ultimately, the decision and direction you decide upon is between you, your journal, and God. I’ll never tell you what to do. Nor will the women in our community. They may offer their own experiences, they may offer questions, but ultimately, those things are there to serve as guideposts. Ultimately, you get to choose.
• The bottom line is … you do not need to figure everything out on your own to get where you want to go. If that were the case, you’d already be there. 

Objection #3. “It’s Too Late for Me to Change.”

• Here’s my short answer to this one. No it isn’t. My focus this year has been on my health. More specifically, I’ve been intentionally focusing on what I eat, how often I move, learning about my gut health, brain health, sleep, and everything in between. As I was reading about strength training a month or so ago, I came across an article in Women’s Day magazine about an 80-year-old grandmother who is ripped. I’ll link to the article in the show notes so you can check out her story yourself, but I was totally inspired by this woman. She began strength training at 71. And went on to write a book, grace the cover of magazines and become an influencer in the health and wellness space. She very well could have looked in the mirror and said, “Well, I guess that’s it for me.” But she didn’t. How many of us look in the mirror day in and day out and resign to believing the phrase … “I guess it ‘is what it is.’” I personally cannot stand this phrase. Who decided that it is what it is? 
• If you’re breathing, it’s not too late. Period. I could go on and on about this one because I feel like I’ve heard countless stories of men and women reinventing themselves when all else feels lost. Just in the recent Olympics alone – the stories of heartache and challenge and the way the athletes overcome loss and setbacks. It’s inspiring. But just because you’re not Simon Biles doesn’t mean you have the right to throw in the towel and deem yourself unworthy or unable to grow or reinvent yourself for whatever your next chapter is. 
• So, if you’re wondering if it’s too late for you, ask yourself – do you really think that’s true? Do you really think it’s too late? Or is that easier to believe than feeling the wobbly uncertainly of not knowing what could be? What if instead of believing it’s too late for you – you see that feeling for what it actually is – that perhaps you just don’t know what you want. And that’s why it feels like it’s too late. When all you really need is for someone to come alongside you and help you turn on the part of your brain that encourages you to dream beyond where you are. What if believing it’s too late for you is just a signal that you’re afraid to wish for something bigger than you’ve experienced so far? Or perhaps maybe you didn’t know that even at your age, you’re supposed to keep dreaming. That each precious day you’re alive is cause for celebration and stepping into more and more of who God made you to be. That what you have to offer the world isn’t complete, yet. And maybe this is your sign that you have every right to, and dare I say, should start thinking about what that means.
• If this resonates with you, I want to invite you to try something. Grab a pen and a notebook. Choose one ten-minute (or more) block of time on any day of the week you choose. You don’t have to have a plan, a prompt, or an inkling. Just find a cozy spot and sit. There are no specific instructions other than to simply sit in the quiet. Let your mind wander wherever it wanders, while pondering this question – do I really think it’s too late for me? And if something bubbles up (specifically on this topic) jot it down. If nothing comes, that’s okay. Perhaps this is your practice for right now. To come back to the silence with this one question on your mind – is it too late for me God? And just listen. 

When you’re ready … let’s move on to Objection #4.

Objection #4. “I Don’t Want to Burden Others with My Problems.”

• Oh, this one. This one is a similar but different version of Objection #2 about figuring things out on your own. The idea that I don’t want to burden others with my problems has a long history of plaguing us, don’t you think? Since women are often seen as the “caregiver” we’re so busy taking care of everyone else, that we are reluctant to focus on our own needs and/or share our specific struggles, with others. Almost as if doing so makes us sound whiny or ungrateful. The unhelpful notion that if we want to talk about ourselves or the problems we face, even within a tight-knit, supportive community, is somehow selfish – is absurd. Nonetheless, I think it may take a while to change the standard. 
• So often, what has been modeled for us as women is to always appear as though we have it all together. To look the part. To act like a lady. To pretend on the surface even if we might be dying on the inside. But who does that serve? Personally speaking, I did this for years. In fact, I took my job as appearing to have it all together, very seriously. No matter how I felt on the inside, I showed up with a smile on my face and a warm greeting to those around me. “How are you?” People would ask. “Good!” I’d say. “Busy.” No one knew the truth. That I often felt like a complete failure. That my marriage was hard. That a lot of days it was a struggle just to drag myself out of bed. And what would they say if I chose to say those things out loud? What could they possibly say? These are not the conversations you find yourself having at the bus stop or the PTO meetings. It felt like I was standing in quicksand. The more I pretended on the surface, the deeper I sank. The deeper I sank, the more I wished someone could pull me out. But I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my life or my problems. And I certainly didn’t want to appear to be that girl who couldn’t seem to get it together. It was no surprise then, that when I did start telling people about my divorce, even those in my closest circle were shocked. “What?” They said, “You?” Uh, huh. Me. If I’d only been brave enough to share.
• I don’t know what your comfort level is when it comes to truth-telling about what’s really going on in your life. But it is something I encourage you to think about. And it’s one of the many reasons why I’ve created a community – for us to come together and just be honest for a change. When I did walk through my divorce I vowed to myself that I’d do whatever I could to show up as my whole self – mess and all. Without worry. This is all within reason of course. Showing up as my whole self does not mean I talk to the cashier at the grocery store about my problems. And I don’t always do this perfectly. But I can tell you from experience, that it’s far more freeing and leads to far deeper connection when I’m just me – all of me – problems and all. 
• One other note on this topic, my counselor, Glenn taught me a phrase early on in my journey of self-discovery. It’s this: “We connect on the basis of our struggles.” Meaning, if I am going through something that you are also going through we share a connection point. All other aspects of our lives may be different, but that one connection point is all it takes to feel seen. And feeling seen is what deepens our connection to others. And, here’s something else I’ve learned. When you are vulnerable enough to share the truth of what’s going on in your life, you automatically give permission to the women around you to do the same. Your example is powerful. 

And with that … we’ve come to number five.

Objection #5. “What If It Doesn’t Work?”

• This might be my favorite objection in this episode. “What if stillness and journaling doesn’t work?” When I first started this practice I didn’t intend for it to become a “thing.” I never even wondered to myself if it would work, because I was in survival mode at the time. Stillness was the only thing I could choose for myself that a) wasn’t out of the house, b) didn’t require me to get out of my pj’s, and c) was completely free. In fact, if you had told me at the time I was developing some sort of curriculum for change, as I sat there in the dark with my cup of coffee, I’d have laughed. It wasn’t until several years later … after more mornings than I could count … that I realized I’d unintentionally developed a practice that had a rhythm to it. A tried and true method of sorts. A place where I could sit down confused or at a loss, and leave refreshed and renewed. In some respects, you could say I had nothing to lose in the very beginning. But the truth is, I would not have continued coming back to the stillness and faithfully writing in my journal if it wasn’t giving me some kind of return on the investment of my time. 
• I’ve discovered that several factors determine whether or not this practice “works” for me. I might even call them the pillars of the Be Still method.
  • The first is coming to the stillness with an open mind. I never know what insight I’ll glean from my daily quiet time. But I can tell you for sure that if I have my mind made up about something ahead of time – there’s no point in bringing it to God. Often I find there’s far more than meets the eye in any situation of my life and it’s best if I let God show me the nuances and insights, rather than telling him all about my expectations. 
  • The second is being willing to write down every honest thought that occurs to me in the silence – good, bad, or indifferent. This is tricky if you’re used to believing God only answers prayers that have a nice saintly ring to them. I’ve slowly eased away from thinking prayer needs to sound a certain way in favor of just talking to God as if he’s in the room next to me. 
  • Which actually leads to the third piece – inviting God in each time I come to the stillness. I know he’s probably there, no matter what, but I like to say good morning to him anyway … just to be sure he knows I’m there to sit with him. And my attention is focused on wherever the conversation leads.
  • Next, as I’ve gotten to know myself through this process, I’ve come to better understand the desires of my heart. They were sort of jumbled at the beginning. There were a lot of conversations where I just demanded answers to questions I couldn’t answer myself, but I feel like in those moments, God patiently waited for me stop stomping around and just dig deep into what my heart was trying to tell me. And eventually I could see, with better clarity, what I wanted and wished for. Ultimately, I can see that my desires are the direct result of the seeds God planted in me long ago. And I need to trust that they’ll bloom at the exact right time. 
  • I also need to bring with me to the stillness, a belief system – that I am worthy of the time I’m taking for myself. And if there’s somewhere else God has for me to be – he’ll tell me. I also don’t need to worry that lingering in the stillness for too long is a bad thing. Often it’s in those last few minutes that an epiphany appears. 
  • And lastly, my journal. There are a million different types of journals on the market these days and I’m sure they all have merit in their own right. But for me, my journal serves as one very simple thing – it’s merely the holder of my thoughts, dreams, and prayers. In the stillness, I know I’m free to think and say whatever it is I want to God. And when I write those things down, I have a way to reference back to them later. And I do. It’s become a ritual for me to go back at the end of each month and re-read what I wrote the month before. I do the same at the end of the year. It’s almost magical to see how far I’ve come. Prayers I’d prayed that I’d long forgotten about, were answered when I least expected. And I love being able to see them in my own handwriting.
• So, will this work for you? Yes. I believe it will. But not because you’ll follow my method exactly. Or do it for the exact amount of time I do. It will work for you because God already knows who you are and what you need and how the stillness will best benefit you. All you need to do is try it.

That’s it for today’s episode. Thank you for spending this time with me. If you didn’t hear a reason or objection that resonates with you, stay tuned for next week’s episode where I’ll be covering several more reasons that might be holding you back from starting your own practice. 

As always, if you know of someone who could benefit from listening to this podcast or today’s episode, I encourage you to share this with them. 

In the meantime, I’m so grateful you’re here. And as always, I invite you to give this practice a try. Start small, be patient with yourself, and see what unfolds. You’re not alone on this journey. We’re in this together, supporting and encouraging each other every step of the way.

If you’re feeling inspired to dive deeper into this practice, I can’t wait to invite you to check out our community, The Be Still Collective. If you want to be the first to learn about it, please make sure I’ve got your email. You can visit my website at www.bestillwithbobbi.com to download a copy of my “Journaling 10 in 10.” It’s a workbook I designed to jumpstart your journaling journey. And it’s FREE! 

Until next time, remember: in the stillness, you’ll find your strength and purpose and the truest version of yourself. 

Bye for now.

** Mentioned in this episode: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/a45195132/joan-macdonald-essay/