EP.23: “Yeah, But I Can’t Because …

Ever find yourself dreaming of something big, only to stop short with the thought, “Yeah, but I can’t because…”? In this episode of Be Still With Bobbi, we explore how this common phrase derails progress and holds you back from the life you truly want. Join me as I share personal stories of overcoming this mindset and offer practical tips for breaking through your own resistance. If you’re ready to move past limiting beliefs and step into your true desires, this episode is for you!

I’m so glad you’re joining me today for this episode of the Be Still With Bobbi podcast.

Today, we’re talking about one of the pitfalls of answering the question, “What is it that you want?” Because if you listened to last week’s episode and you’re excited to start practicing this question, I want you to know ahead of time that you will encounter resistance in many forms. 

The resistance we’re talking about today in particular, is only five words. One short sentence. But it has the ability to derail your progress faster than anything else.

The sentence is this: “Yeah, but I can’t, because …”

And I promise you, as you start to practice asking yourself what you want. You WILL run into this, or some version of it. And beware, your brain is really good at disguising this sentence. It comes in many different forms. Sometimes longer forms or slightly different wording, but it’s all the same sentiment. You CAN’T.

It’s meant to make you question your internal desires. And my best guess about why this happens is because we’re wired to protect ourselves from the unknown. In favor of staying safe, where it’s familiar.

But if you truly want your life to look and feel differently. You have to be willing to step out and do life differently. Moving past the limiting belief of why you can’t.

So today, I want to arm you with a couple of examples from my own life, when this phrase, “Yeah, but I can’t, because …. “ threatened to derail my own progression. I want you see how sneaky it can be and what it looks like out in the real world.

When I first started experimenting with the question, “What do you want?” I wasn’t sure how to answer it. But then, a few short months later, I found myself on a flight to California for my 10-year high school reunion and when I stepped off the plane in San Francisco and smelled the familiar air, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to move back to California.

I’d been living in Minnesota at the time for nearly five years and I knew it wasn’t the place I wanted to live forever … but I couldn’t see a future beyond what I knew day-to-day. And no other place seemed like a possibility for me.

But driving in my rental car down the familiar freeways of the Bay Area and seeing the landmarks I’d driven by my whole childhood between San Francisco and Sacramento … I was drawn in without even giving it a second thought.

*This, by the way, is how you know you’ve hit on something that speaks to your heart and is a direct answer to the question, “What do you want?”. You feel it without having to think about it. 

And on that clear, sunny day in June of 2004, I knew. This is where I’m meant to be. 

That whole trip I experimented with what it might look and feel like to move back “home” since the Sacramento suburbs are where I grew up. I talked to my brother and sister-in-law about moving, since I was staying with them on that trip. And we dreamed together about how fun it would be to live close to one another, again.

But then … when I boarded my flight back to Minneapolis, something happened. I pushed the dream out – way out into the future. I made a list while in the air, of all the things that stood in my way. And it was clear to me I’d have to work through my list before officially deciding to move. 

I needed to get out of debt. I’d just been tasked with heading a huge software project at work. I didn’t have enough money saved up yet to make a move across country. And I had just signed a new lease on the apartment I was renting. 

I didn’t yet know or understand the phrase – “Yeah, but I can’t because …” So the logical reasons that bubbled up on the airplane as I dreamed about moving, felt real. 

This is the tricky part about this phrase. It catches you off guard. And sounds incredibly sensible. We’ve been taught to believe that there is a right order to go about change. Create a goal, list the steps, and reverse engineer your way there. 

But there’s a reason “What do you want?” Can be called “Life’s most dangerous question.” Because answering it honestly takes you out of goal-setting mode and into uncharted territory. This is a place your brain is not used to being. Your brain likes order and clear direction. 

But when you’re listening to your heart’s desires they are often illogical and far-fetched and your brain doesn’t know what to do with that.

I was proud of my logical planning process on the airplane that day. I couldn’t wait to show it to Glenn, my counselor in Minnesota. 

But … 

When I arrived at my next session, instead of congratulating me on being so responsible, Glenn shocked me entirely by throwing my plan out the window. Telling me instead that I should go now. Not wait. Not responsibly work through my list of reasons until everything was perfectly lined up and ideal.

I was totally thrown by this. And I actually fought back. How could I possibly just move when all of these very real obstacles were in my way?

But Glenn reminded me that if the desire to move back to California was in alignment with God’s plan for my life, then God would be the one to open the doors and clear the path. Which would render all of those reasons I’d listed, useless.

Still, I thought he was nuts.

But he also reminded me that our big dreams and visions are executed one small step at a time. I didn’t need to worry that a U-Haul would be delivered to my house the next day, and I’d better be packed and ready. 

Instead, God has a way of knowing the steps and the correct order of those steps and all we need to do is walk forward and pay attention. 

Had I listened to that voice in my head … the one that said, “I want to move to California, but I can’t right now because …” I’d have missed the opportunity to follow my heart.

Against, my better judgment, I listened to Glenn instead. I’d built a level of trust with him over the months and believed he wouldn’t steer me in the wrong direction. I believed his words about God, about life’s plans, and about how to live differently. He knew things. And I wanted to learn them.

So that day, I called my brother and told him I was moving. I didn’t know when. I didn’t know how. But I had claimed my “what” in the “What do you want?” equation and I was excited about it. 

That was in July of 2004. By the beginning of November that same year, just four months after that declaration, I was driving my U-haul across the country to my new chapter that awaited in California. It turned out, Glenn was right. Each new step on the journey to move was presented, one at a time. And even though it was scary at times, I never doubted I was on the right track.

Had I listened to the phrase, “Yeah, but I can’t because …” I would most likely still be in Minnesota. I would have let the initial spark of what I felt that day under the blue sky in San Francisco, fade. And eventually, I would have resumed my life as it was. And it would have been fine. Just not the life I was meant for.

I want to make a quick side note here … 

I know I’ve been mentioning the community I’m working on behind the scenes – The Be Still Collective. Part of the reason this community matters to me is because I know what it feels like to be mentored and encouraged when trying something new. Had I not ever met my counselor Glenn. I’m positive my life would be the same version of what it was back then.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I really want you to know that going it alone is not recommended. Merely listening to this podcast and perhaps even trying some of these concepts on your own, can be lonely and hard. Especially when you’re up against yourself and the way you’ve always done things. 

You need outside perspective to help you see what you can’t. I know for a fact, that had I tried this on my own years ago, I would have quit and gone back to what was comfortable.

Being mentored. Having a guide … makes all the difference in the world. Mentors and coaches are the people who are with you on the journey. They’ve gone before you. They know what to expect. And they can help you see the path more clearly. 

It’s why, to this day, I still work with Glenn. He’s my sounding board. The person who knows my hopes and dreams and can remind me of them when I can’t see the forest for the trees. He’s also the one who continually challenges me to get out of my own way and step out of my comfort zone.

This is my vision for The Be Still Collective. To provide a safe space where you can experiment. Where you can show up as your whole, unfiltered self, and explore the hopes and dreams you may have been ignoring for a really long time. And even if you’re not sure what those hopes and dreams might be … It’s a safe space for you to investigate without fear or judgment or worry.  

Not to mention the community aspect – gathering with others who are on a similar journey of self-discovery … there’s nothing like it.

Okay, I needed to say that for a couple of reasons. One, I realize I talk about Glenn, a lot. But he’s an instrumental part of my story and the reason I know what I know.

And two, I want you to know that this same kind of mentorship is available to you, if and when you’re interested. 

The second example I want to share with you today is actually about another cross-country move. Not because this only works when you are trying to make a major life decision, like moving. But because these two examples in particular showcase very clear crossroads in my life where a major decision point was needed. 

And where I could have easily followed the logic instead of my intuition. 

But being aware of the phrase, “Yeah, but I can’t because …” allowed me the insight to choose differently on purpose. Even though all the reasons why “I can’t” were right there front and center. And made a lot more sense than choosing something that sounded far-fetched.

Side note … this is also a way for you to know you’re on the right track. When your gut says yes, but your subconscious says, no way! And everyone around you might think you’re crazy? It usually means you’ve hit the jackpot for being in alignment with your hearts desires.

That’s why these specific moves stand out in my memory. Because the logical reasons for staying far surpassed the illogical reason for going. And the path to get there seemed insurmountable.

But these are also my favorite stories to tell, because they so clearly show, how listening to my heart’s desires lead me right into also having to trust God with the details. Because he opens doors in an order that I can’t possibly imagine. And I get to follow the path, trusting He knows where we’re headed.

Here’s the second example I wanted to share with you.

Back in 2014, I was still living in California – where I’d met and married my then-husband and we had two beautiful little girls. We’d bought our first dream house and had been slowly renovating it, believing we’d be there forever.

But then a job opportunity came up and we made our way to Phoenix, Arizona. And honestly, Phoenix was a place I’d never even had on my radar. But we said “yes” to the opportunity and left our family and life as we knew it, behind.

Shortly after arriving in Phoenix, however, nothing felt like it was clicking. Has this ever happened to you? Where you make a decision, believing it’s the right one, and then you follow through and wonder what in the world you were thinking?

This has happened to me in more instances than one – I’ve taken jobs I immediately regretted saying yes to and have been in relationships I knew were doomed from the start. But it wasn’t until the move to Phoenix that I learned more deeply how to follow my intuition. And not only how to but that it’s more than okay to follow your intuition.

We lived in a nice house in a nice area of town. We enrolled the girls in preschool and found a church to attend. We were completing the steps one needs to complete when moving to a new city, but everything felt slightly off. 

I couldn’t get settled. It felt hard to make friends. We learned our house was infested with scorpions. We were trying to build a pool in our backyard as a way to escape the 110-degree (plus) summer heat but kept coming up against snags. I was overwhelmed and lonely more often than I felt at home. I cried – a lot.

I’ve talked about this time period before – how I felt trapped in the literal desert – even though on the surface everything appeared “fine.” 

But I didn’t feel fine. I felt sad. I felt lost. I felt like we’d made a huge mistake and couldn’t undo it.

Phoenix, and the job that brought us there, was supposed to be the five-year plan. Five years to get established and then decide if we wanted to stay long-term. 

Maybe you know where this is going.

On the phone one afternoon with Glenn, I stared out through the glass patio doors to the muddy backyard. The pool company had been doing what they needed to start their process. But upon digging, we learned there were pipes underground that were compromised by tree roots. Yet another snag. We were in the middle of figuring out what the next step was.

I groaned into the phone, exasperated. I don’t even know what we’re doing here. I said to Glenn.

The job that brought us there was not as expected. We were searching the house each night before bedtime for stray scorpions to keep the girls safe. And I was suffering from severe migraines no doctor could seem to figure out the cause of.

Nothing felt like it was in our favor. 

Glenn stopped me mid-sentence and asked, “Okay, well, what do you want?” I started to go down the path of telling him I wanted the pool to be finished so we could swim. I wanted to make some friends. I wanted to feel like we were there for a reason.

But then, it hit me. I didn’t want to be in Phoenix at all. I’d felt like it was a mistake from the very first day we’d arrived. But I’d spent months ignoring that piece of my intuition in favor of sticking to the plan and counting down the days to the five-year mark. 

I’d been listening to the phrase on repeat … “Yeah, but we can’t just leave because … “ without even realizing it. And I was listing all of those reasons to Glenn that day on the phone. 

“We can’t move.” I said. “That’s crazy!” “Who moves to a completely different state, only to move again a few months later?” What will our families say? 

Also, we need to finish building this pool. We signed a contract. We need to finish out the year of preschool. We’ve paid for that already. And … we would need to sell our house! How would that happen? 

There were so many good, logical, dominant reasons why we couldn’t. 

But only one reason why we could. 

It’s what we wanted. Well, almost. 

In that moment, I knew it’s what I wanted. 

In truth, when you’re operating as part of a team – as part of a family unit – you obviously can’t just up and make decisions for everyone, until everyone is on board. And honestly? This fact alone had been one of my logical reasons for not even contemplating a move. I figured my then-husband, would never go for it.

And I was right. At first.

The thought of finding a new job, and uprooting our whole family, again, was terrifying. It felt insurmountable. 

But I was reminded that if this desire – to leave Phoenix and live somewhere else – was part of God’s plan. He’d walk us through it one small step at a time.

And you know what? He did. Once we fully decided to move – even before knowing where we would go next. The doors started opening for us. It was like a huge weight was lifted and we could start dreaming about what was better aligned for us and our family. Rather than simply sticking to the plan. 

This phrase, “Yeah, but I can’t because …” will keep you stuck if you let it. 

But I promise if you can start to see the phrase for what it is – a deeply-rooted lie that will hold you back – it opens up a whole world of possibility.

It will take some practice to see it. And some of the time you might need someone else to see it first. But once you start to recognize it, you’ll see with clarity, how our logic tries to keep us from realizing what we really want, by telling us we can’t. 

We can’t have it. We can’t do it. We can’t leave. We can’t stay. The list is endless.

So as you’re walking into your weekend … maybe you’ve started asking yourself the question, “What is it that I want?” And maybe your heart has begun to churn with new ideas or even old ideas that have been tucked away and reawakened. 

I encourage you to add this one piece to your practice. Start to notice when you hear the words, “I can’t, because …” And listen to what your logical mind fills into the blank space at the end of that sentiment. And then tell yourself, “Yeah, but what if I could?” And take that question to God in your journaling time. 

I’ve come to understand that really big dreams are realized in the same exact way little dreams are. Step by small step. God removes the obstacles one at a time and lights the path for us. So we never have to truly worry about how it’s all going to pan out. Which is what I hope to talk to you about next time – stepping into what you want by giving God the how and watching what unfolds before you.

In the meantime, I’m about to officially open the doors to my community, The Be Still Collective. If you’re listening to this in real-time – it’s October 4th, 2024 and we’re gearing up for our first gathering in a couple of weeks. 

If you’d like to be included as a founding member, please make sure I have your email address. Founding memberships are extremely limited. My hope is to create an intimate space for the founding members to not only get to know themselves and each other, but to help me create what this community will be long-term. 

I also have some fun extras and bonuses that will only be available to Founding Members too. You can sign up for the waiting list by going to www.bobbigregory.com/community or click the link in the show notes. I can’t wait to get started.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today. 

If you know of someone who could benefit from listening to this podcast or today’s episode, I encourage you to share this with them. And if you are enjoying this podcast, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast app.

If you’re feeling inspired to dive deeper into this practice and need a guide to get started, hop over to my website at www.bestillwithbobbi.com to download a copy of my “Journaling 10 in 10.” It’s a workbook I designed to walk you through the ten journaling prompts I use, even when I only have 10 minutes. And it’s FREE! 

Until next time, remember: Your story matters. Your journey is unique. And it’s never too late start a new chapter. Keep journaling, keep growing, and most importantly … Be Still.

Bye for now.