EP.32: What If You Stopped Fixing Yourself and Started Loving Yourself Instead?
Most women have no trouble loving and caring for others—but when it comes to themselves? That’s where things get complicated. We brush off compliments, downplay our worth, and focus on fixing what we think is wrong, instead of seeing what is already good, whole, and worthy.
In this episode, we’re flipping the script on self-love. Because it’s not about waiting until you’re “better” to believe you’re enough—it’s about knowing you already are.
Join me as we dive into:
✨ Why women struggle to love themselves (and what’s keeping us stuck)
✨ How society and social media fuel our self-doubt—and how to break free
✨ The counterintuitive shift that changed my life (and how you can do it too)
✨ The power of stillness in hearing God’s truth about who you really are
Plus, I’ll share personal stories (including a recent birthday tradition that helped me truly receive love) and journaling prompts to help you start embracing yourself—flaws, strengths, and all.
Press play and let’s talk about the self-love you deserve. ❤️
Introduction:
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Be Still With Bobbi podcast.
It’s officially February, and this month we’re talking all about love—not just the kind of love we give to others, but the kind of love we allow ourselves to receive. And today, we’re starting with the one that tends to be the hardest for so many women: self-love.
I know. That phrase alone can feel a little uncomfortable, right? It might make you think of bubble baths, face masks, and spa days; or even positive affirmations and positive self-talk—which are all lovely things—but that’s not exactly what we’re talking about today.
The love I want to talk about today goes so much deeper.
Because the truth is, most of us don’t struggle with loving others. We love our kids, our friends, our families, our communities. We pour ourselves into making sure everyone around us is taken care of, encouraged, and supported. But when it comes to offering that same level of kindness and grace to ourselves? That’s where things get complicated.
And I get it. It’s so much easier to focus on what we need to fix about ourselves than to slow down and recognize what is already good, already beautiful, and already whole. But here’s what I know for sure: the way you speak to yourself matters. And learning to love yourself—not as some future, improved version of you, but exactly as you are right now, flaws and all—is one of the most important things you will ever do.
So today, I want to have a conversation with you about why this is so hard, what’s getting in the way, and how we can start shifting the way we see ourselves so we can step more fully into the life God has designed for us.
Because on the heels of our 6-part series about taking inventory of your current life and setting about creating really big visions for your future – none of that works if you can’t see how amazing you are, already.
This one’s important. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let’s get started.
Why is loving ourselves so hard?
Let’s be real.
Most women I know are hard on themselves. And I don’t just mean a little self-criticism here and there—I mean full-on, daily, relentless self-judgment.
We brush off compliments. We downplay our achievements. We criticize our bodies, our abilities, our parenting, our work, our choices. We set impossible standards for ourselves and then feel like failures when we can’t meet them.
And the worst part? Most of this happens without us even realizing it.
It’s just the background noise we’ve gotten used to—the little voice in our head that says, You should be doing more. You’re not enough. You’re too much. You don’t belong. You’re falling behind.
Sound familiar?
If so, you are not alone. In fact, I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t struggled with this in some way.
But here’s what I want you to hear today: this is not the life you were meant to live.
God didn’t put you here so you could spend your days shrinking yourself, second-guessing yourself, or hustling for your worth. He didn’t create you so you could constantly feel like you’re not measuring up.
You, my friend, are already so deeply loved. Not because of what you do. Not because of how much you accomplish. Not because of how you look or how well you perform.
Simply because you exist.
That noise in the background? It’s drowning out your true worth.
One of the biggest reasons we struggle to love ourselves is because we are constantly being told what we should be.
Society has a lot of opinions about who we’re supposed to be as women. Be successful, but not too ambitious. Be confident, but not too confident. Be attractive, but don’t be vain. Be independent, but make sure you’re likable. Be a great mom, but don’t lose yourself in motherhood.
It’s exhausting.
And when you throw social media into the mix? My gosh.
It’s no wonder we feel like we’re not enough. We are constantly being reminded of what we’re not.
But here’s the thing: the world is never going to hand you a permission slip to love yourself. You have to decide to do it anyway. You have to choose to stop measuring yourself against impossible standards and start seeing yourself the way God already sees you.
And the only way I know how to do that? Stillness. Reflection. And truth.
Because when we’re constantly rushing, constantly scrolling, constantly consuming the world’s opinions, we don’t leave any space to hear what God actually says about us.
And friend, what He says is the only thing that matters.
So what would it look like to love yourself?
If you’re someone who struggles with self-love, I want to invite you into a new way of thinking about it.
Because loving yourself doesn’t mean thinking you’re perfect. It doesn’t mean you never struggle. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to grow.
It simply means that you stop waiting until you’re “better” to believe that you’re already worthy.
So, what would it look like to start loving yourself right now? Not some future version of you. Not the version of you who has everything figured out.
You. Today. Exactly as you are.
One of the simplest, yet hardest ways to do this that I’ve found … is to start receiving love.
Think about that for a minute. When was the last time someone paid you a compliment and you brushed it off? And I’m not talking about getting compliments on your hair or your shoes. Though it’s lovely when it happens. I’m talking about the kind of compliments that mean something about who you are. About your character. About how you show up in the world.
That’s the tricky part. We can receive compliments about the shoes we bought or the way we styled our hair that day. But when someone stops to tell us something they notice about who we are? We can’t accept it. We say things like, “Oh, no … it was nothing.” or “Just stop … everyone does that.”
See the difference?
I recently celebrated my 49th birthday, and every year, my daughters make me the most beautiful, heartfelt cards. This year was no exception. With every passing year, I watch them grow, and I watch myself grow, too.
One of the greatest gifts in these birthday cards isn’t just reading the sweet things they write. It’s believing them.
I have my cards out on my kitchen island, so I can see them often. And every once in a while, I’ll walk by, pick them up, and re-read their words. Not just because it’s nice to hear, but because it’s a beautiful thing to be seen and affirmed.
They wrote these words just for me. They see me, and I believe them.
It used to be, years ago, I might have brushed off their kind words. I might have smiled, thanked them, even cried a little—but I wouldn’t have let the words sink in.
But now? Now, I let their words penetrate my heart and my mind in a way that allows me to see myself differently.
I can see myself through their eyes.
And I want you to experience that, too.
I want you to learn how to lean into a compliment when someone speaks truth about you.
I want you to hear the love in your kids’ voices, in your friend’s words, in the little moments when someone notices the goodness in you—and I want you to believe them.
Because the value you bring into the lives of the people who love you does not go unnoticed.
This isn’t about having a big ego or needing endless affirmation. It’s about allowing yourself to receive the love that is already present in your life.
It’s about recognizing that the words people speak over you—especially those who truly see you day in and day out—might just align with the words God has been whispering over you all along.
So the next time someone tells you something kind, instead of brushing it off, pause. Take it in. Let it settle into your heart.
Because you are worthy of love. Just as you are.
Here are a few ways you can start practicing self-love today:
- Notice how you talk to yourself. Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? If not, something needs to shift.
- Give yourself grace. You are doing the best you can. Some days will be messy. Some days you won’t get it right. And that’s okay. You give grace to those around you, without remembering that grace is for you too.
- Make time for YOU first.
This one is big. And it’s hard. I know because I’ve been there.
I remember the days when my schedule felt like it was swallowing me whole. My to-do list was endless. My kids needed me. My home needed me. I was always in the car running somewhere every single day. I felt like there was never enough time for stillness. So I did what most women do—I put myself last.
And it didn’t work.
I kept waiting for there to be extra time just for me. But that time never magically appeared. It wasn’t until I made the counterintuitive decision to put myself first—before my kids, before my responsibilities, before the world started pulling at me—that everything changed.
I had to tell my family, “You can have my attention after I have my quiet time.” And that was HARD. Probably one of the hardest shifts I’ve ever made as a mom.
But the more I practiced “me time” first, the better I started to feel. And the better I felt, the better I was able to show up for the people I love.
You have to find time for YOU first. This one decision, if you stick to it, is an act of self-love. It’s not selfish. It’s essential.
Your tasks and to-dos aren’t going anywhere. But when you start your day filled up—when you take the time to sit in stillness, to connect with yourself, to talk to God—everything else flows from a completely different headspace. You’re no longer operating from overwhelm. You’re operating from peace. From purpose. From fulfillment.
It takes practice. But I promise you—it changes everything.
So … here are two quick prompt ideas you can take with you into the stillness.
- Start by celebrating the good. What do you love about yourself? What qualities make you uniquely you? Write them down. Remember them.
- Then, let go of the “shoulds.” You don’t have to be anyone other than who you are. Release the pressure to fit a mold that was never meant for you.
These two prompts don’t have to take you hours. Just 15 minutes to start is all you need.
If you want to dig deeper, here are a few more journaling prompt ideas for all about self-love to take into your quiet time:
- Where in my life am I the hardest on myself?
- If I were speaking to a friend who felt this way, what would I say to her?
- What would change if I truly believed I was already enough?
- What would my life look like if I made time for ME first?
- How can I make space for self-love in my daily life?
- What is one small way I can show kindness to myself this week?
- What compliments or words of affirmation do I struggle to accept?
- How do the people closest to me describe me? (And can I start believing them?) If you’re not sure about this one – ask them. Send a quick text and tell them what you’re journaling about. You’ll be amazed how quickly they’ll respond.
- Where in my life have I felt seen by others, and how did it make me feel?
- What are some of the ways I see God’s love reflected back to me?
Take some time with these. Be honest with yourself. And above all—be gentle.
Closing Thoughts
As we wrap up, I hope this episode has been an encouragement to you today. And, I want you to remember that self-love isn’t a one-and-done. It’s a practice.
If nothing else, I want you to walk away knowing this: you are already loved. You are already enough. Right here. Right now.
And if you struggle to believe that, I want you to sit with that discomfort. Don’t push it away. Let God speak into it. Let Him remind you of what’s already true.
Because friend, you are not here to prove yourself. You are here to be yourself.
And that is enough.
Thank you for being here today. I am so grateful for you.
Until next time, may you find peace, clarity, and courage in your stillness.
Bye for now. ❤️
