EP.15: Have You Lost Your Ability to Dream?

As children, our imaginations can take us just about anywhere. But as we get older we’re inundated with messages of being responsible and realistic. We learn early on that there’s a certain order to our lives once we reach adulthood – most of which includes following the path and patterns of the adults who came before us.

But what if this isn’t the only way to live our lives? What if dreaming as an adult has the potential to lead us into a more fulfilling lives than we ever thought possible? What if it’s actually way more fun and far simpler to dream about what we want and then walk step-by-step toward that adventure than we were ever taught?

In this episode, I offer an alternative way of looking at your future. Of flipping the dreamer switch back on in your mind and seeing where it takes you.

Hi friends! Welcome back.

On today’s episode of The Be Still with Bobbi podcast, we’re talking about learning how to dream as an adult.

This subject ties right into the last episode of the podcast where I talked in depth about the difference between a vision and a goal. So if you haven’t yet listened to that episode, go back and do that first. It’ll provide way better context as we walk through today’s episode.

Now, I have to say for me, I think I’ve always been a dreamer. I’ve had the ability to visualize my life in this dreamlike form for as long as I can remember – whether I was in my room with the tape recorder at the age of six, pretending to be my alter ego, (her name was Georgia Jones). Or if I was riding home in the backseat of our minivan after a trip to my grandparent’s house, I would stare at the stars out the window, thinking about who I could be. That way of thinking has always just come naturally to me.

But somewhere along the way, post-childhood and after high school, during my 20s, it’s like I flipped a switch and decided that it was time to be an “adult.” And I don’t even remember flipping the switch on purpose. It’s just something that happened. I innately knew I needed to take things more seriously.

I needed to get a job and work hard and make money and figure out how to be responsible. After all, the childhood dreams that I thought could be possible, hadn’t come true. I wasn’t going to be the next Mary Lou Retton. So I figured, “I guess I’ll just shelve those dreams.” And whatever I thought my life could be, won’t be. And I guess I’ll get to work making a life instead.

But within about 10 years of living that way – of being responsible and showing up to work on time and paying my rent and waiting for the small percentage of incremental raise I’d hoped would come to me, I was disheartened. And I kept thinking to myself, “Is this really all there is? That I can hope to one day get married and have kids and buy a house and maybe a dog. But the rest of my life looks like this dull, monotonous cycle, dotted every once in a while with unexpected goodness, or luck or something else that would come my way? Is this really it?”

Then I started working with my long term counselor and that’s when everything changed. A new kind of fire was lit inside at that time. And the dreamer part of my brain was reignited. And I realized at the time, “Oh, I haven’t lost that little girl inside of me, who could walk through the balance beam routine, and hear the crowd go crazy when I stuck the landing.” She was still in there. I had just let that part of me be dormant for a while.

When you’re a child, you believe anything is possible, right? But when life gets a hold of you, you lose that magic.

Here’s what I want you to know, the magic still exists. Only now I know. It’s not magic. It’s this incredible dance of listening to your heart. And then co creating a life that only you could live with God, the Creator of the universe, who wants what’s best for you, and who wants you to live a big adventurous life.

And I don’t believe God put you on this earth to simply go through the motions and hope for a raise every once in a while. There’s so much more to you than your job, your responsibilities, your roles, your tasks, and your to do list. And when you allow yourself the freedom to dream a bigger dream for yourself, you simultaneously unleash God’s infinite imagination, which, by the way, is way bigger than yours could ever be.

So let me ask you this. Have you lost your ability to dream?

Can you pinpoint a period of time in your life when you went from being a child full of wonder and possibility to being a responsible adult?

Do you let life happen to you instead of asking for what you want to see happen?

See, the ability to dream has nothing to do with getting your head stuck in the clouds, where, unrealistic things happen. What I’m talking about is looking at your life today, as it is right now, and dreaming about what you actually want it to look like instead of feeling like you have no say, as if what you really want isn’t attainable, or only works for other people, or is too big of a shift to ask.

I told a story in a previous podcast about how I had visited my home state of California, and just knew deep down that I wanted to move back. I’d been living in Minnesota at the time, and it just did not seem realistic for me to want to move at that point. All the steps it would take to make that happen seemed totally implausible.

That’s the problem – most of us, because we’re logical, look at the steps it will take to get somewhere instead of locking eyes on the dream. And so we never get started. Because the steps seem too daunting or unrealistic.

We talk ourselves out of it, before we even explore what it could look like if we never asked for God’s help. Because we think the steps are all up to us. And we don’t have the time or the money or the right status to get us where we want to go. So we give up before we ever even start.

And I think to some degree, we also think it’s beyond God to help us with things we actually want. That God is simply there to serve us in case of emergency.

But that’s not the God I know. The God I know shows up when I turn on the dreamer part of my brain and throws gas on the fire in my imagination, so it continues to burn. And He sends divine downloads when I least expect them.

The other thing I think that happens when we try to imagine doing things differently, or asking for something other than what’s right in front of us – and this is important because it literally stops us before we start, it’s this – we believe we only have a handful of options in any given situation. And the well meaning people in our lives often solidify this notion by asking the very question, “Well, what are your options?”

So you stop and think, “What are my options?”

But options are present when you’re dealing with logic. And God isn’t a God of logic. He’ll never give you the logical steps.

In fact, when you have a dream, you can’t possibly see what the logical steps are. Because so often the dream itself doesn’t make logical sense. And so asking the question, what are my options is not actually helpful.

If you’re choosing from what’s available, you’ll only ever get what you’ve always gotten. And that most often turns out to be a new version of your old life, which can seem pretty boring, and doesn’t move the needle.

Dreaming in the way that I do is different. It’s about seeing possibilities that are too good to be true, but not so far-fetched that they’re impossible with God’s help. And it’s all incremental, still. You’re not going to wake up tomorrow with the whole dream realized. But you are going to be able to see the steps down the path, one at a time, leading you to the dream until it’s realized.

And you never have to go in search of the right steps. When you’ve hit on a dream that’s in alignment with who God made you to be. He provides the steps. You just have to pay attention.

Let me give you an example.

Going back to the California situation, I knew for sure I wanted to move. But there were very real, very responsible reasons I came up with as to why I couldn’t just drop everything and follow that dream. In fact, these are all the same reasons I gave my counselor at the time when I told him I knew for sure I wanted to move. And he said to me, “Great, when are you going?”

What I gave back to him were all of my excuses and reasons why I needed to wait.

I had just signed another year long lease at the apartment I was renting. I hadn’t yet looked for a job in California. I didn’t even know if I’d be able to find one. I had some debt that I had to contend with. It seemed irresponsible of me to pay for moving expenses if I hadn’t yet even figured out how to be debt free. I thought, “It’s gonna take me years to pay off this debt! There’s no way I’m going to be able to move until at least two years from now.”

I also knew that a cross-country move took time and effort And I could not possibly do it alone. I just couldn’t figure out how I was going to get all of my stuff from Minnesota to California. It all seemed too big and too daunting.

These are the typical, logistical, responsible questions that we all come up with when we hit on something that matters to us.

In fact, when you dream for yourself, the very first notion you’ll be hit with after discovering the “knowing” inside of you, it’s this:

“But I can’t do that.”

It’s so normal to feel this way. And you know what, you’re right. 100% of the time, if you come up with a vision that makes you feel something, you can’t possibly execute that vision on your own.

But God can. And in my case, he did.

The moment I called my brother and told him I was moving, which was the same day I informed my counselor that I wanted to move, the wheels were in motion, and my only job was just to put one foot in front of the other. God opened doors and made the steps possible that I could never have planned for using my logical mind.

He let me out of my lease and got me a job the week I moved; He allowed my parents to help me with my stuff. He consolidated my debt into a manageable loan. And He did all of that within a matter of four months.

I couldn’t have scripted that move if I had tried.

Had I never taken the time, though, to dream and then simultaneously ask God for what I really wanted, I’d probably still be living where I no longer wanted to live. In a job I didn’t love, surrounded by the cold weather and an internal sense of doubt.

My counselor used to say this phrase to me, that’s stuck with me all these years. He would say, “In order to live an adventurous life, we must be willing to do things that take our breath away.” And that’s how you know, as you’re dreaming, that you’re truly onto something, it will take your breath away, and you can’t possibly figure out HOW to do it on your own.

We think dreaming means “lofty,” or “unattainable” or “far-fetched.” It doesn’t. Dreaming, as I’ve come to know it is simply getting out of our own logic, to see beyond the responsible choice and believe in the adventurous one.

I Don’t believe for a second, that God put you on this planet to let life happen to you. In fact, when you’re tapping into your best self by sitting in the stillness and conversing with him about who you are, and what you want, the doors swing wide open to the possibility of a life you never could have imagined on your own.

I get that this does not come naturally to most of us. I also get that you’re busy, and have a whole world of responsibility on your shoulders. You have roles to play in your life and you have commitments you’ve made to yourself, your family, and to others. But you owe it to yourself to see what happens when you flip the switch and turn your dreamer back on.

Dreaming is not reserved for children. In fact, I would venture to say that dreaming is meant for the grownups even more than the children. Because we have the resources, the experience, the knowledge, the wisdom and the agency to step into the dreams we have for ourselves far easier than our younger selves did. We can say yes, without even asking permission.

You know, I waited my whole childhood to be able to make decisions and choices for myself. But it wasn’t until I could see how making decisions with God put me on the fast track to fulfilling my dreams and living the life that actually felt like one I wanted to live.

So here’s my encouragement to you. If this feels too big, too hard, too daunting of an idea. Let’s chat.
I’m putting together a small group of women who want to see what it feels like to dream outside of their logic, and see what else God might have for them. If that’s you, reach out to me, and let’s set up a quick conversation where we can discuss whether or not this could be the next right step for you.

I only have a limited number of spots and I don’t want you to miss it. Email me at hello@bestillwithbobbi.com That’s Bobbi with an “i” so we can chat.

And, if this invitation alone makes you feel that internal sensation where the excuses start piling up without even having to think about it, let that be your barometer for knowing it’s quite possibly the next right step God is inviting you into it.

If that’s you, don’t wait. I’m so excited to meet you and even more excited to be here. Walking alongside you as you explore what could be in your life in favor of what is.

That’s all for today’s episode. As always I’m so grateful you’re here.